Cutting a tiring relationship short is something that doesn’t come easy for a lot of people! They begin to hesitate, either in fear of a fiery confrontation or out of inability to do it in the least hurtful way possible, and this hesitation just goes on and on making one more confused and envious of people who can make swift clean cuts. Paul Simon’s advice from “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” will be no good!
When you come to think of it, ending a relationship does require a certain well-considered approach. Sometimes people get stung more by how things are done than by what exactly was done. Your partner may not mind the breakup so much (what if it entered his head too?), but during the process egos get hurt, and one should take pains so that the separation does not cause more grief and smarting than it is necessary.
Location is important
Supposedly you’ve been together for quite a while, so you want it stick. Actually, the best place would be inside someone’s home (it had better be his, so you can walk out). Ideally, it should be an in-person, eye-to-eye affair. Give him to understand that it is serious and not a casual decision.
If you know that he’s in too deep, chances run high that a difficult conversation may ensue, an argument, an unpleasant scene. Both of you wouldn’t like to have it in a café. Moe circumstances to love down afterward. So, public venues are definitely out. And if you invite him over to your place to give him a dismissal, he would feel as if he were called to the manager’s office for a dressing-down.
There is nothing like the man’s place. In the case of a scene, you can end it by leaving as soon as things get too untoward. After that let him cope with the situation as best as he can, pitying himself at home or turn to his friends for solace.
Timing is important
This should take a little care because timing can be awful. His relative may have died recently, his bosom friend may have met with an accident, he may have just been fired; any calamity that has hit him hard ought to be lived down first. If he has just told you that he loved you, it is also a terrible time to chime in with something like “But I don’t.” The most propitious time would be early evening when everyone is sober and not too tired for a serious conversation. His friends will be free to rally round if he needs their assistance, and he can take in consoling drinks without endangering his social obligations. This way you won’t be aggravating his life when he has to address grave issues, it’s not a busy time of day and everybody is fairly level-headed.
Reasoning is important
So many people tend to fall back on that old stupid “the problem lies with me and not with you.” Once you’ve decided to split, get your reasons ready. If you have solid reasons not to trust him because he’s been trying to hook up with another girl, it’s more than enough – you can give it to him and walk away.
When things are a bit more complicated, and you are afraid your explanations may be a bit vague, there’s a formula that usually goes down well: “I’m sorry, but it’s a bad time for me for a relationship, I have things of my own to attend to, and it’s very important for me.” It has no relation to the people in the picture, like as if you said “I believe we are not right for each other” or “Right now I’m in a bad way.” It’s bad timing, and a guy is expected to understand it.
Or maybe it’s a different case altogether and you would like to date another person. Then it will take a little more trouble, explaining to your guy that you want to be perfectly honest with him, that he is a person to be respected for his individuality and really a special guy, but as things turned out, you had met someone you felt chemistry with before you both started dating. Much as you appreciate the guy, the timing worked against your union.
As you’ve broken up, you are not in any way answerable for your ex’s reaction, so long as you tried your best to lay it gently and without undue aggravations. It may be difficult, but it can be done right!