15 Female Incentives to Distort the Truth

We know that we can’t really shake off lying; every day there crops up a situation where a little falsehood saves us a lot of tedious explaining. Often lying serves to make us polite, allowing us to squeeze out of uncomfortable situations and shedding offers that we are not interested in. There are people who like to get all over us, and lying helps get rid of the worst of importunity. Finally, there are funny little lies we tell to conceal our misbehaviors; and though we know that other people usually see through them, we keep telling them. Here’s a list of some of the lies we indulge in.

  • Late for a meeting with friends, and they call up to ask where you are. You have just stepped out of the shower, but you tell them brightly: “I’m on my way, coming soon!”
  • You boyfriend is busy in the bathroom, he sticks out his head and demands to know where his artisanal shaving cream is. Oh yes, you used it on your legs and failed put it back where it belonged. Glibly you say: “I don’t know, you must have misplaced it last time, look around!”
  • Your best friend at work has just told you a fresh one about a coworker of yours, and of course you promise not to divulge it. But – equally naturally – you meant to your fellow workers, why not tell all about it to your boyfriend and to you BFF? There’s nothing to stop you!
  • You arrive at your latest friend’s birthday party and hold out a present saying that you have searched the stores to find her the nicest gift possible. Is that true? No, you keep unwanted gifts from a few years back in a drawer especially for this kind of occasion.

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  • You and your boyfriend are going out, and he is ready. So he’s asking about you, and you reply that you just want to freshen up your lipstick and it won’t take a minute. What you really mean to do is take a dump followed by at least 15 minutes of work with your eyeliner.
  • You and your best friend are doing a little pregaming and you tell her: “I need to go to the bathroom for a couple of minutes.” She assumes she knows what you will be doing here – but no, your idea is to rifle through her bathroom cabinet, try on her creams, and maybe even take a selfie or two.
  • From a bar where you are spending time with your besties, you text your bf: “I drank only a little.” Oh, but he knows that you are actually plastered, horny and are ready for some Advil.
  • This fellow from your building, now all of a sudden he came up to you and told you he had a birthday and was going to throw a party, and wouldn’t you like to come? You answer without thinking, like: “Yes, it would be great, but I’m afraid I won’t be in town.” But you’re not going anywhere; you will ensconce yourself on the sofa with a movie and spend a very quiet evening.

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  • Your BFF has just broken the news of her engagement, and you put on your best happy expression and cheer: “Congratulations!” But your real feelings are very different: joy for her is mixed with fear that you may be losing her for good! She may be totally swallowed up in her new life and leave you behind!
  • So this guy has been texting you until you get nettled; you write back to him, “Sorry, my phone’s almost dead.” Then you put away your 90%-charged phone happily having got rid of the importunate fellow.
  • You stood your friend up, and they are facing you; what could be easier than say: “I never received your text!” Yes, you acted badly, you know that in your heart of hearts, but the last thing you want to do now is discuss your misbehavior. Let it be left behind as soon as possible.
  • You saw that email from your boss dated around 3 a.m., of course it was urgent, but who in their right mind will reply to it or even read it??? Where is the logic, man, I was supposed to be sleeping at that time, and if not, it’s only human to ignore such calls upon my time! But you have to tell something different, like: “God, it must be in spam!”

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  • There’s that cute fellow in your office, and you tell him that you adore David Foster Wallace… But that’s not what is passing in your mind at that moment – more like “I’m reading Bridget Jones Diary again, and don’t tell me you have completed Infinite Jest, I won’t believe you!”
  • Your boyfriend is looking for his unfinished pack of cookies and asks you if you have seen it. No, you haven’t. You haven’t seen those cookies ever since you ate them up!

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