7 Don’ts in a New Relationship

Your relationship has not yet been tarred by the socks scattered under the bed; you do not have children, a common mortgage, family celebrations or disputes over unwashed dishes. You’ve just met, everything is fine now. Let it be so, the main thing is to know what to avoid.

Changing yourself

Not that he demands it, but he hints that he’d like you to be a blonde with a bob haircut. In addition, it would be nice to find freshly baked pies at home every weekday. And, of course, you can put everything aside, get a haircut and make pies, but what for? He noticed you when you were a successful lawyer (an agile waitress, a witty marketer) with curly brown hair. And he’s fallen in love with you — or hasn’t, if he still wants change you. Does it make sense to start a relationship with a man whom you don’t even love?

Changing him

He got used to receiving guests at home, likes to relax in solitude or prefers football to parties. And you are sure that it is necessary to go on holiday only together, and a trip to a movie premiere is much better than a football game. So you act appropriately. Some women call it “correction”, but, firstly, it sounds useless in relation to an adult, and secondly, such a pointless thing deserves a different definition: a waste of time. “He will change with me” is the biggest deception in relationships and something that almost never happens.

Taking on his problems

Do not rush to help his parents along with him, find a job for him, or offer to live together, if he has problems with rented accommodation. Yes, it is no big deal for you, but words “in joy and sorrow” still refer to a married couple, not to those who are still in a rose and candy stage of relationship. Do not deprive yourself of it.

Asking him to solve your problems

The above-mentioned principle works in the opposite direction, too: the new boyfriend, of course, can help you to pick up the car from the emergency parking lot, take the goods to your grandfather or help with paying mortgages. He can, but he does not have to — he is not the father of a large family, and it is not your family minivan that was taken to the impound lot. It is not your common problem. So do not demand anything.

Offending his friends

Of course, he’s in love with you, but he probably loves his friends, as well. Besides, he has known them longer. So he won’t listen if you say that one of his friends is a drunkard, and another one is only interested in football, and Tanya is no friend at all, because there can be no friendship between a man and a woman. However, he might start doubting if he needs a person who does not accept (and respect) a considerable part of his life.

Disregarding your intuition

On the surface, everything is fine but you feel inside that something is wrong with this relationship, even if it seems great. Don’t ignore your inner voice. Ask yourself the question: what’s bothering you? If the answer is “It seems to me he doesn’t respect me, puts too much pressure on me, our interests do not coincide”, maybe it is really so.

Expecting too much

The happiest people in the world are the Danes — in Denmark, according to the World Happiness Report of the UN, there lives the greatest number of happy people. The Danes call their lifestyle “hygge”, which can be translated as “the art of the heart” or “emotional comfort”, the ability to draw inspiration and delight from everyday little things: cuddling after work, dinner by candlelight, warm home. The principle of hygge can be applied to relationships: if you are pleased even with your morning coffee in his company, you will be even happier if he invites you on a vacation at the Andaman sea (and you will not get upset, if he doesn’t).

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