You are approaching the age of maturity, but there is no love in your life. The reason is not the scarcity of good men, but the strategy of behavior that prevents you from finding and building relationships.
Waiting for “the only one”
Relationships have not begun yet, but you are already treating them seriously, thinking about the best bank to take a mortgage. It is the mental pattern that real feelings happen once and for all that prevents you from flirting with everyone, and you are focused on looking for “the only one.” Courtship and rendezvous both seem to be a tedious job of finding a husband. You do not derive any joy from the process and therefore make a repulsive impression on the potential man of dreams.
Looking for trust and reliability
You will not start a romance with a person, until he shows that you can rely on him (although how can he prove this before the relationship begins?). Your motivation is understandable: security and protection are some of the basic human needs. You will be surprised, but sexually active women want the same thing from their partner: predictability, stability and honesty. These qualities become a part of your requirements, and you expect the partner to have a lot of personality traits, such as being cheerful, intelligent, reasonable, and charismatic.
Failing to show interest
You said goodbye to adolescence a long time ago, but the mere thought that a man will suspect you of having some feelings still causes anxiety and confusion. When you face the object of affection, you practice a poker face expression. At the same time, you hope that your tactics will work one day: he will develop some abilities of a psychic and will start reading your loving thoughts. By the way, your good deeds and help are not usually perceived by a man as indicators of feelings. He takes them for friendship.
Dreaming about love
You are craving for love with every cell of your body and at the same time you are afraid of it. To compensate for the lack of warmth and sex, you fantasize a lot. This inclination does not depend on age or experience. You borrow the scenarios for developing a relationship from your friends’ stories and movies. Since you have developed an amazing ability to imagine everything vividly, sometimes your dreams become much more attractive than reality. So, you reject an offer to start dating. If you never had the habit of building castles in the air, it is replaced by the love of reading, watching movies, or playing computer games.
You tend to decode any of the man’s actions with the thoroughness of a researcher, who has discovered the message of the Mayan tribe. You spend a lot of energy to decipher what his meaningful “aha” means, when reacting to an offer to go to the movies. A missed call or a kiss that is not affectionate enough – and you are already panic-stricken and damning the day you said “yes” to dating. You escape from the romance as soon as the first complications or even a hint of them appears.
Creating a distance
You can baffle your partner with the words: “It’s good to be with you, but it’s none the worse to stay without you.” Since you have lived alone for a long time, you need this loneliness as an occasional remedy for fatigue. However, another person may find your detachment to be a sign of disrespect and indifference. Be more tactful each time you want to stay alone for a while. If the man is also prone to bouts of misanthropy or goes out to see his friends without you, do not be jealous.
Preferring slow pace of the relationship
If the man was persistent and talked you into going out, his rejoicing is still pointless. It will take a month for him to be allowed to kiss your hand or look at your foot. No, tormenting a man does not bring you joy, but you need the romance to develop gradually in order to get used to the potential partner. The rapid beginning of the relationship resembles a bright light or a loud sound to you. Perhaps you could warn the gentleman about this feature for him not to consider your behavior a symptom of sexual coldness or disinterest.
Being afraid of frankness and conflict
At the start of any relationship, people are like two porcupines, trying to pull closer to each other. Of course, this causes a lot of inconvenience. However, awkwardness can be overcome if you discuss the issue. You stick to the position “Never Ask Anything” and proudly suffer discomfort. You do not ask direct questions, if you notice strangeness in the man’s behavior. You do not give answers that would help him navigate in the depth of your soul. You score 10 out of 10 according to the scale of “being mysterious”, but men tend to quickly get tired of riddles in a woman.
You hope for the events to develop in accordance with all your requirements. But there is a danger (and with every year of waiting it is getting higher) that you will become lonely instead of seeing your dream come true. Surely, there are certain points on which you can agree with yourself in order to start a good (albeit imperfect) relationship.