A separation can be a very devastating thing leaving you down – and there are often aggravating circumstances adding to the pain. Yet there are ways to diminish your agony and make the separation process run smoother.
If the breakup was unexpected, or you had entered upon the relationship rather precipitately, you may be left utterly stranded and clueless, totally drained of energy to go on, devoid of any ideas of what you should be doing to get from under the debris. Still, you need to shake it off and get by with dignity, and this is how you can set about it.
1. Understand that it was not your thing from the start
Explain to yourself that a relationship that crumbled (for any reason at all), it must not have been the one you could count on for quality life. Since your partner allowed the relationship to end, he could hardly have been very deeply involved in it from the start.
2. There must have been a number of red signals that you missed
You must have done a lot of justifying for things that could have indicated the way your relationship was shaping. Probably you exonerated him for something that didn’t deserve exoneration really. We all know that people do have their issues, and some of them had better be ignored, but not all of them. You’ve got to be perceptive of issues that may steer your relationship to the rocks, and not condone to such.
3. Don’t wait for a final closure that may never come
If there is an opportunity, arrange for a final discussion, talk your issues over and get back/give the personal belongings that were left behind. At that, remember that you don’t have to experience a terrible sense of finality. If the relationship burst out into a spate of angry accusations, you may even have a feeling of relief that it is over.
But it may not run along logical lines towards a closure. Should it occur that no final words and gestures were exchanged, don’t let it stick in your mind and keep you expecting more things to happen. You both were on such terms that you had no problem getting together and sorting things out, well and good. It would be the best ending possible. But if it is not to go like this, move on without thinking twice about it.
You don’t have to wait for a sign or permission to go on. Even if your breakup left you with questions with no answers, don’t make too much of it; let it go the way it went and start shaping your future. There’s no reason at all to remain penned at the breaking point. Nothing good will come of it.
4. Once you have broken away, do it completely
Search your soul for empty wishes to come across him again accidentally on purpose, keep it up with his pals, make phone calls or arrange for meetings to talk things over. Hold yourself in check at least right after your split-up. This kind of holding on to him will only bring new pain and delay the healing process. Be honest with yourself: you can hardly expect to achieve anything by trying to stick around like this.
There may come a time when you will be able to meet on amicable terms, but right now this shouldn’t be your priority. You’ve got yourself to mend and have it out with. Better make an inner investigation to see whether you let your dignity down and knuckled under to him forgetting your own interests. If this is the case, you need some restoration got underway.
5. Don’t use social media to learn what he is doing
It’s so temptingly easy to go on checking his social site profiles as you were in the habit of doing. This will only serve to pull on your heartstrings. At best delete him from your friends and stop receiving his news; at worst leave off him for a while until you feel that you care more about your own life than about his. You can always find him again on Facebook if there is any real need to communicate.
6. Your own sweet self must be uppermost on your mind
You know that you’ve been through trying times with the split-up, and you are depleted of emotional and mental energy. You need to replenish your resources and do it quickly. See to it that you enjoy plenty of food, have sufficient sleep, don’t cut down on your gym sessions, socialize with your friends and thus prevent depression seizing you. A split-up provides you with an excellent opportunity to re-evaluate your life and come to terms with your true wishes again. You realize what you want to retain and what to let go forever. As long as you attend to it, it may become a great time for development, deeper realization, and personal growth that are sure to bear fruit later. Having assumed the right approach, you may be in for a great time in your life and rediscover yourself in a big way.
After all, is said and done, a split-up is about pain and endurance. You cannot expect to pass through it unscathed. Yet you really get a chance to move on to greater things, thrive and discover new facets of life. Maybe you did need this shakeup to wake you up and make you alive to what is really happening in your life. Maybe you went in for something that wasn’t quite worth your while. Things, places and people get left in the past with meaning, leaving you with choices and opportunities that weren’t yours before. Make sure to wipe your slate clean and count on better things to come your way.