If you are in a relationship and you have a single friend, never give her these five tactless, ridiculous, and stupid tips.
Does anyone on this planet know why married people are so eager to give advice to single ones? Every woman living with a man considers herself to be a relationship guru, a Dalai Lama of love, and an apostle of universal happiness. It may not be equally easy for a lonely girl (for various reasons), so others add fuel to the fire, trying to arrange the life of a homeless cat (“You are lonely now, so why don’t you start picking a collection?”), then they are trying to foist on her some abandoned lonely man (“Eats everything. Neat. Polite”). Or vice versa.
You can somehow cope with cats and the attempts to get a good, but such an unhappy man. As for the tips, which we are about to discuss, there is a brain explosion. Read and take into consideration.
“You just need to communicate more with people!”
You can’t even imagine how much your single friend can talk. These are not topics like “where to buy minced meat cheaper”, which seem closer to those who are in a relationship and have to feed their families in the evening. You just don’t know everything: how much time a friend spends in chats in apps, how many liters of coffee she has already consumed on dates, how many kilometers she has walked on heels somewhere in parks. And she does all this by communicating, communicating and communicating again.
“You need to reduce your expectations”
One would probably say: “How did you do it?” You know absolutely nothing about your friend’s life. Even if she has a high, though subjective opinion about herself, her expectations are her own business, her life and her choice. Do you like it when your choice and your values are respected? Then why do you allow yourself to doubt other people’s values?
Daniel Kepler, a practicing psychologist in Chicago, believes that when you advise someone to lower their standards, you are actually advising them to close their eyes to what they strongly dislike about the person. That is, you push your friend to live in eternal compromises and to abandon her desires and dreams. This is too much, don’t you think so?
“You need “The One”, so stop dating just anyone!”
Finding “the one” is great, and many people succeed in doing so. But your advice to purposefully look for “a Man with a capital M” drives your girlfriend crazy. Try to imagine this: your friend arranges a casting at home and carefully selects men on the basis of the “is-it-him-or-not” attitude? This means that there is a certain list of characteristics, a description of the appearance. If the eyes of a person turned out to be of the wrong color – what a nightmare! – will the romance go down the drain?
Chasing some standards and looking for a soul mate can drive a person into depression. It is wiser to look for some common positive qualities in people: kindness, generosity, care, and so on.
“You just need to dress differently!”
If your friend does not walk naked, if she is not fined for inappropriate appearance and offending the feelings of believers – she is dressed normally and she finds it comfortable. This is her right and her choice. That’s it.
If a friend suddenly starts dressing in a way that is not her usual style, she will cease to be herself, hasn’t it occurred to you? And if we say: if you want a promotion, wear a crinoline dress to work – how will you feel?
To attract a good person, it is not at all necessary to dress up in a special way and behave in an unusual way. The main thing is that everything is in order with the friend’s self-esteem. But if self-esteem suffers because of clothes, this is another case.
“You are choosing the wrong people!”
Your friend may be happy to meet someone else rather than repeat the same old mistake again. But her psychological attitudes and patterns prevent her from doing this. She may even be aware of this. In such a situation, it is not your tactless advice that will help, but a good psychotherapist. He will not judge you but will help to understand yourself.
Until the deep contradictions are eliminated, the girlfriend simply will not be able to date “those” men. She simply won’t notice them. Of course, your “friendly” and straightforward support will not help her in any way.
What to do with a lonely girlfriend? Nothing. Be quiet, listen, and treat the person the way you would like to be treated.