Your man may want to conceal the truth from you and probably from himself too, but if he is dissatisfied, it will show. His behavior begins to change, imperceptibly but surely. He may not realize it for the time being, but here are signs that can reveal his attitude to the relationship.
Women, being intuitive creatures, are generally apt to feel when the partner’s dissatisfaction sets in – but unfortunately, these signs can sometimes be very difficult to detect. That happens when the partner himself is only dimly aware of his unhappiness and understands it fully after the breakup. While the disappointment remains unconscious it continues to express itself through little mannerisms and habitual actions he has acquired during his previous years. They seem so natural that they may be hard to interpret rightly; what’s more, they are difficult to be used as proof of his dissatisfaction, even when some of them may be disconcerting.
A large part of our behavior is ruled by our subconsciousness and is often taken for granted until something transpires that triggers warning signals inside. So the task of deciphering these little signs of unhappiness appears to be an arduous one; besides, it remains a mystery what exactly makes the man unhappy. Complicated though the matter is, here are some guidelines which may help you make your exploration of the partner’s innermost heart easier. Get some wine, set your mind at work – and see if there’s something to be done to make each other happier and save the relationship.
Love walks hand in hand with war
A fight or a shooting episode is welcome in most movies to add to the drama and excitement – but once the movie is over we are glad to forget about wars and battles and enjoy a peaceful evening at home. So when we find that our partner is in a combative mood and displays unwarranted aggression out of the blue, it can rub us the wrong way. It may be he has a purpose of his own doing it of which he is well aware – but on the other hand, he may be feeling frustrated and unhappy, and this condition finds vent in combative behavior.
If he is picking fights, it may be because he hopes that one of the fights will grow out of proportion and end up in a breakup, so that what he wants will happen naturally and without his having to lead up to it in a calmer fashion.
Anyway, those who can often be found in an argumentative mood are sure to be irritated; what’s more, they take the easiest way to express their irritation (or just go on behaving how they watched their parents behave). The way to deal with it is to call the partner out on it and urge him to make a clean breast of things.
More and more work
Have you noticed that he began to work later hours? Then his work commitment prevents him from turning up for dinner dates, mars weekends, and he ends up being so busy that your planned vacation gets all ruined. So it’s always work and getting together has suddenly become a serious problem.
Work provides him with a good excuse to be away and escape the situation that seems to him unbearable. There is nothing left for him but to throw himself whole-heartedly into his job. While spouses want to spend as much time as they can together and feel unhappy if they don’t have enough time for each other, husbands who allow more time for work are not ready to invest their energy into relationships. They would much rather proceed with their career or pursue other interests. It may be difficult to hold him to the subject and clear up the situation, but there is probably a way out yet to work out the problems.
Chronic sulkiness
Many men are known to be habitually grouchy – but that doesn’t mean anything much, it’s just their pose or their kind of temperament (but watch their reaction to coffee – if a cup of coffee wipes this mood away, it might mean caffeine dependence).
It’s a different thing if the fellow is generally polite, nice and sociable, but all of a sudden he grows morose, withdrawn and curt – it can really signify that he doesn’t deem the current relationship joyful. In this case your task is clear-cut: try and avoid him when he is sulking and get him talking when he is in a pleasant mood.
Approach him so that he can instantly see you are not going to rock the boat or shatter his calm. Chances are he will play along and open up. Make sure that it is not a passing phase, but your partner seems to have shaken off his good temper and became irate – then look for the wrong turn in the relationship. If he gets very angry with you, this is not decent behavior, and you may want to have it out with him straight away. Still, this lack of patience is telling: he believes something is not right.
The distance between you widens
This one is a classic sign of lost compatibility – one spouse puts a gap between the two and it slowly gets wider. Gone are the days when he thought of small surprises to spring on you and arranged situations to have fun together. Now it looks as if he were in another state, and your being near doesn’t excite him any longer. There is an almost palpable wall between you, and it puts you out. If the wall has been there for some time you cannot but feel frustrated. Meanwhile he could be unaware that he has put up a wall at all.
Again, this is a sign that an important discussion is forthcoming, and the sooner it occurs the more chances there are of your saving the relationship. What is going on may not be your issue at all, there may be external forces influencing the situation, and you need to know what it is. Then the ice might break or he will start coming back on his own pace.
Issues start to pile up
When you began to date, you two were all over each other. Every single gesture was reciprocated, you had eyes and ears only for each other. Now it got much harder to win the other’s attention; the tricks that used to work like magic are no longer reliable. He responds by grunting or shifting his position not looking at you at all. When intimacy starts to dwindle it proclaims that the base of your relationship has developed cracks and needs repairing.
There is already some issue at work, but first it is not so conspicuous. You go on living without realizing that a problem is looming on the horizon. Once again, you two need to address it openly, as soon as you realized its existence.
Paying attention to what is going on (and what is lacking) both in the sitting-room and in the bedroom is essential to catch the precise moment where you can mend things. See if you maintain physical contact like you did before – if it is on the decrease, you can begin to suspect his feelings are not what they used to be.
He grew fonder of his friends’ company
Needless to say he and his pals get together at a bar for an important baseball match and we go out to see what can be spotted in the stores. Now you are beginning to note that those sportive meet-ups have grown more frequent, and it creates issues like he can cancel your plans because a meeting has cropped up or he says that your suggestion sounds all right but there is a possibility pals might call him up and he would rather spend the time with them. That can mean he is unconsciously using his pals to provide him with excuses to stay away. He is not happy with the relationship any more.
So, he finds happiness amongst the guys and runs away from you, and it is going to become a habit with him until the union breaks up. Yes, it’s a good sign if both of you find time for your friends, but once you suspect that his friends time infringes on your relationship, take it as a bad symptom and broach the issue with him before it has gotten too late.
Your dates start crumbling
You still remember how enthusiastic he was about laying down plans for the following weekend and was constantly looking at the calendar to see when you can meet next. But now it’s different – he concocts excuses and can even call at the eleventh hour to say he is sorry but he is unable to show up.
So he has gotten unreliable, and this is a disconcerting thought. You know now that his priorities are elsewhere and he has begun to manage his time regardless of you. Not only you get exasperated at his cancellations – even worse is the thought that he doesn’t quite realize what he is doing and all of this goes past his consciousness.
So it was your future together once, but now it has become outside discussing: if your plans get ruined, the meaning of future is lost, and he must be deeply dissatisfied with the relationship. He doesn’t see any future for both of you – and this is a bitter pill you will have to swallow and learn not to rely on his presence in your life.
Children need a little understanding
So you are well into a married life and you have one or two kids that are simply cute. While everything seems perfectly all right, you notice that your hubby has acquired a habit of snapping away at your kids over mere trifles practically every day. This kind of attitude can be fairly distressing for you and the kids alike – he hasn’t always been this way, has he? Therefore he may be unhappy and unconsciously venting it on those who are around and who are weaker receptacles of his inner storms.
If this is the case, you tow must have a talk (when he is in a calm state) and figure out the reasons behind his behavior. While it is natural that there are times when parents get angry with their children – and are apt to say things and behave in a way they may regret later, both to their kids and spouses – if it happens on a regular basis, it may portend bad things. When your anger gets the better of you, it may mean the time is ripe for involving professional help and undergo a course of anger management to cope with such outbursts.
It all boils down to playing games
People do spend a lot of time on things like watching movies and sports championships for hours on end and talk and text on the phone – with some people it’s a natural thing to do. Hobbies and affairs do take time to settle. Meanwhile, games is a different cup of tea. If the man suddenly acquires the taste for playing games ceaselessly (video games, on the tablet or on the phone) – it smacks of escapism strongly. He reaches to a cyber reality to escape the reality he is in where he doesn’t feel right.
Things being what they are, he might grow dependent on gaming, which could devour his time spent with family and friends and even work (at worst). And should he choose to play far into the night after his family have gone to bed and thus deprive himself of sleep, the situation is even worse. When asked about it, he is almost sure to pooh-pooh it away, so it becomes a job of getting him away from games and make him open up about what is hanging heavy on his mind. He ought to realize that all kinds of obsession get him nowhere and will only result in negative experience.
You observe backsliding
Our past is replete with untoward habits, some of which we left behind – or believe to have. As a rule we never venture to revisit the forgotten layers of our minds. But when we grow dissatisfied we begin to revert to old coping methods (although we may believe we have gotten over them!). So men can slide back to mannerisms they haven’t been manifesting for years; it may be some kinds of dependencies, remission to laziness, small but irrational habits that seem to have been given up long ago.
We are never immune from getting resaddled with our long-forgotten bad habits after we thought we have dealt with them successfully. It is highly frustrating to have to face them again, but they are good indications that we are not happy with the situations we have gotten into.
We have new habits to wean us out of old ones. If we chance to slide to them again, it’s up to us to hold on to new ones (and relationships, too) to make sure we attained a new degree of freedom and are heading for healthy relationships and behaviors.
Expressing image concern
We are all hell-bent on our image (probably women more than men) and get depressed if it should fall beyond our expectations. There are men whose unhappiness takes its toll on their overall image. While they cease to care what happens to them they can grow fatter (you know, by potato-couching in front of the TV set or through computer gaming to which they have recently developed a strong liking) or thinner (through stress and depression that often bring little interest in feeding themselves properly).
They begin to look worse, of course, but we don’t want to dwell on that. As soon as we understand that our partner is developing these problems we should point out to him that his health must be deteriorating and we are concerned to see that they address their innermost issues and come to better terms with themselves. Psychologists grew wise to the fact that one of the main reasons behind obesity is having an unsatisfactory relationship. Those who are not happy with their current partner prove to be more likely to start gaining excessive weight complete with the risk involved of соntracting the diseases linked with overweight.
Seeking for alcoholic relief
Almost all of those who have problems turn to alcohol in a futile attempt to alleviate their worries. It’s actually all right to gulp a drink at the end of the working day – it helps to wind down and leave all your working worries behind. Or alternatively he comes home and wants to follow his dinner with wine, especially when you have pasta for the meal. It is nothing to worry about – on the contrary. But what if he does away with a twelve-pack or goes for harder drinks in a big way? That puts a great strain on his liver as well as on his peace of mind – no man who is sure of himself will do this.
That happens when he is either overwhelmed with working commitments or when he is unhappy at home. When he gets completely sodden you are hardly likely to steer him to an open-hearted conversation. And that’s what you need to do if you don’t want him to run high risks and probably end up in rehab or with an irreversible disability.
The good feeling has gone
We don’t get definite feelings from our subconsciousness, but nonetheless we might start feeling queer – nothing we can actually pinpoint, but still definitely queer. We start wondering what is going on that makes us feel this way, but for the time being it eludes us. So does our man – he manifests some symptoms that are disconcerting, although he may not be realizing it right now.
Before you get to the definite feeling that your current relationship doesn’t quite get you to the level of delight you long to be on, you receive signs that nothing is right which are too light yet. It requires a good intuition to pick the signs immediately and start working on them. Working often means cornering our partner and attempting to prize him open on what is bothering him and making him behave in a different fashion.
Happiness spells different things in different periods of our lives. That needs discussing with our significant other. What made you both happy in the past may have faded away and you have to shift round to new circumstances in which you may be as happy as you were in the old ones. Talk it over and see how much happiness you are likely to get living in a new situation where you will be able to feel each other as well as you used to be before things changed.