This little article does simplify the matters a little – we all know that marriage goes on to embrace much, much more than 15 kinds of lie! You will need a fine art of constant ruses to take you along – and you will be hard put to it to do without a little help from a fib. That’s just one of those things. We have to resort to lying on a regular basis, and the lies grow fast when children step in.
Although there are people who go about their lying with enviable inventiveness, many everyday fibs are almost mechanical and therefore fairly typical. Also, they fall into two categories: ones that can be overlooked and brushed off and those that can make your spouse flare up instantly. Actually, these speculations don’t always work without a hitch: if you got hitched happily, you may be able to rely on these words from the wise, but if you feel your marriage is about to get toppled, steer clear of offense that is put down here as an immaterial one. You are invited to go over your lies with a mite more consideration than usual, you are not handed a perfect book for taking your better half in! Let’s have a little marriage-related fun together to take off some of the worst strain, but if you are in bad need of guidance through your marital troubles, seek help from professionals: they run about 5% more of being able to help you out.
Most of this advice goes both ways, with men and women reacting to lies in a similar fashion – yet even this statement may be challenged by lying experts among us.
Innocuous lie #1: “We won’t be able to make it”
The truth is, women are always expecting men to stick their necks out and lie for them – often for both of you, in fact. Neither you nor she wants any unpleasant interference in your life, and if you happen to receive an invitation that you would rather decline (say, from people you don’t think much of), you will want both of you to stay content even if requires some fast lying. Or maybe you won’t want your kids rubbing shoulders with the other people’s kids who are too unruly for your taste. Your wife pulls a face at the proposition, and you have to tell you are both incredibly busy, so maybe some time in the future… which never comes. Meanwhile, lying an unwelcome situation away could be bonding for you two and could even be a cause for a little private mirth.
Innocuous lie #2: “You look wonderful tonight”
The classic lie that you should know by heart by now and get out the right reply in a jiffy. As soon as you are asked for the umpteenth time how she looks in that new outfit, you say smoothly, “You look like a million dollars, does it make you look thinner or have you dropped a couple of pounds?” Don’t forget you are to rise to the occasion every time she drops the clue. Probably if she were comparing dresses and things, you could answer her upon careful consideration, but as it is, don’t think twice about using the cliché. The main idea is that the result should always be in her favor if you succeeded in that, you are fine for the time being.
Innocuous lie #3: “The food is delicious!”
Here is a tricky one, sure: now and then it takes some daring to sing accolades to some stuff on your plate that tastes even worse than it looks. Out of the blue, in your girlfriend’s parents’ place, you are offered a huge portion of something that makes you green about the gills. What would you do? The right answer is, take the rough with the smooth. When your favorite girl says she would like to go to a Chinese restaurant, much though you may hate spiced exotic food, join her and make every pretense of enjoying the meal. Suppose she came up with a supper that tastes just short of world war? The time to confess that the dish didn’t agree with your stomach juices may come later; when put to the test, be firm, duly enthusiastic and grateful.
Innocuous lie #4: “It was the carpenter”
What a lie to use judiciously, it may even bring up your family rating if used properly! Like many a man, you are supposed to do various jobs about the house. Like that last repair job that was supposed to take you an hour. But what is supposed to take an hour will actually take two hours and more, because either something went wrong, or there was something you should have done before you started. When you get a quote it runs to an appalling sum. Consequently, you find the time and set about the repair yourself. She comes home and sees the whatsitsname in its place and firmly installed, tells you how wonderful it is, and you say it’s done by a contractor. She is full of praise, and then you make her happier still by saying it was you who did it, saving a wad of money in the process. But mind, if you mean to win by it, your craftsmanship must be next to impeccable!
Innocuous lie #5: “It was an expensive gift”
Marriage does teach some of us to become cheapskates. Well, we know that money is needed for many things, and we intend to save as much of it as we can. Of course, we can’t do it all the time, and now and again everyone would like to splurge. When it comes to food, your girl may want to burn money in a popular restaurant, but you would make do with a handy sandwich. On the other hand, beer is quite a different proposition: the lady can stay with her Bud, while her handsome guy is ready to drive off to a brewery to pay through the nose for a bottle of a very-very special beverage. That’s fine, but what about gifts? You would like to get a good reasonably expensive thing, but how to set about it?
Shopping is an art that men would rather do without. But probably your chance to hit upon a bargain, get something that you know she likes, and hand it over to her with a proud air. If she wants to know whether you paid a lot for it, you just smile hinting “I knew you’d like it,” and that will be fine. Then, if she gets busy with the checkbook and gets moody, you can explain that you found a deal – she will be glad you saved and showed perspicacity. Two points in your favor.
Innocuous lie #6: “A great movie, that”
It’s always like this with movies: one person’s meat is another person’s poison. You can hate the movie – but have you thought about it like it was a small thing? So you are stuck with it for about two hours. Think about it in terms of there having to be something in this movie: people worked on it, money was spent, somebody must have believed in it. Try to divert your attention to those episodes that were all right. Then, if it turns out your wife went and liked the movie, why not smile and quietly agree? The fact is, she found something likable there, and she is entitled to it. Do you have to spoil her enjoyment? Leave your criticism until later, when you won’t go spoiling your date and the emotions are running low.
Innocuous lie #7: “I’m having one more and then returning”
OK, no-one’s going to drive in an inebriated state. The situation calls for no urgent measures. You stopped by your friend who lives in the same block or even your neighbor. No-one’s going to worry their heads off. Then your phone comes alive and the text comes up asking you if you are coming back home, and you reply without thinking that you will have one more and be back soon. Now everybody knows that means another half an hour… hour… an hour and a half… Why on earth people can’t answer that they are sitting pretty and wouldn’t like to be transplanted soon? Luckily, she knows what it really means, and will go to bed when her time comes without feeding on false presumptions. It’s all right for the time being.
Insidious lie #1: “I somehow missed your text”
This one can get people’s backs up easily: fibbing about your incoming texts is too risky. By the way, the same goes for tweets, emails, everything that arrives at your phone. You have your phone set so as to get you informed about the incoming messages instantly, and she knows how it works perfectly. Your texts – or notifications – come up on the screen, and if you had no time to read them there and then, you usually go back to them later, right? It would be far more plausible if you said that you had forgotten all about it, but saying that you failed to open the message sounds too much like a downright lie. The trick is too old and suggests she doesn’t know her way about modern gadgets. Why should you add insult to injury?
Insidious lie #2: “The car is all right”
Some lies accompany us right from our green years through manhood into marriage. You suddenly remember that you fed the same stuff to your parents – like in the car. What about that accident when you damaged your parents’ car? Then you were afraid you might lose your car parks, so you made a good mien and made out like the car was perfectly fine. So if you pull it once again with your family car, and she gets in and finds things are not right, she will be incensed (and that’s understandable!). Through your lie, you could have endangered her health – and probably even her life! You know that road accidents can be unpredictable and the car might play up at the wrong moment. That’s why there are people who go in fear of vehicles.
Insidious lie #3: “I will remember it in future”
So, fellows, you have got things to do and the people you are doing them with have no mind for your mutual anniversaries – no surprise you go and miss the event. It does happen, guys. Now try to come up with a pleasant surprise the following day, stop by the flower store, order a bunch of flowers, let it be a bit out of ordinary rather than give it a clean miss. To promise that you won’t ever, EVER forget in future is not the best of ideas. Yes, it can look as if you were genuinely sorry, and you are trying to make up for it… But what if you forget it again? She will think you are an inveterate liar, a showman, and an utterly unreliable male.
Insidious lie #4: “Back in a moment”
A situation that has been known for centuries and still gets people embittered again and again. Women are made this way: they keep thinking about where you might be at any given time. A family is a family, and a home is a home, after all. Some men are like that, too, checking up on their women periodically. Your dearest people would be glad to know that their S.O.s are all right, they haven’t got dead drunk at a party or keeping undesirable company. Then you say you are going to be home soon, stop by a bar and find yourself tempted to stay for a couple of hours. Can you really be surprised that your wife is pissed off like there’s no tomorrow? Or there’s another bad one: “I’m almost home.” And the almost goes on and on, dragging into hours, no messages about any delay sent. Just imagine what horrors your partner may be picturing to themselves. Are you really fine?
Insidious lie #5: “I’m sure I told you”
“I’m going out tonight, we agreed to go out with the boys, as I said on Monday.” Oh-ho, as if there was nobody around who isn’t into this trick. She knows you know she would have scratched it if you had told her before, so you didn’t. But it is a lie her mother told her about long ago, and she probably heard her father resort to it. “Hey, you forget? I told you I was going to a ball game.” She wonders how many more ball games there are going to be? She is pissed off not simply because you are going to another one, but because you used a lie on her. Had you sat down and talked to her about, it would have been different. Now it’s sheer exasperation, and the friend you are going with is also losing his reputation with her. You wanted to make sure, so you blasted off like this. But is it worth it?
Insidious lie #6: “The child is just great”
Yes, children give good enough ground for lying. Marriage and kids go together, don’t they? For many couples, children are the main incentive for getting married. You are in love with your newlywed wife, and then you get that bunch of joy that keeps you awake at night because there’s some little thing gone not right. You know what? This is the child that got your bond stronger than ever, you love each other and you love the kid, but they are so young, and things happen to them. It’s horrible, but there it is. And there’s no earthly reason for trying to hide it. The temptation to lie out of it is strong, the more so if the guy bungled it and missed the occasion when the kid fell and got scratched or bumped. Instead of covering it up, tell her what happened at once. It may cause a small storm, but it is worth your while because it might lead to unpleasant repercussions if the child happened to pass out and you will have to confess later. Don’t wait for more unpleasant things to happen, report at once.
Insidious lie #7: “I can drive, sure”
Now, this is not a good lie in any kind of relationship, in any kind of situation. A person may believe that he or she can handle driving after a couple of drinks – but it’s a bad idea in any case, at any time. Yet it is still used, and it can harm the marriage (in terms of this list) in more ways than one. You know that it is not worth it – who knows how it can end? Especially if the children are in the car. Do you really want to risk – what? Injuring someone in the car? Getting the car totaled? Getting embroiled with the police? How would your wife feel explaining the child that daddy was pulled in? What if you can ill afford the money that will go to cover legal fees? Find a less impressive but a more reliable means to get back home.
Insidious lie #8: “She’s so stupid, really”
What can really ruin a marriage is infidelity. The fact is, there are guys who go for it. Some women do, too. As a rule, the other spouse senses something wrong at the start. She may actually ask about the woman, intending to draw the husband out on the topic – but he will shrug it off, saying like: “This one? No, she’s just a pain in the ass sometimes.” So begins a string of lies of increasing cunning as the man tries to keep down the one he’s taken by. The liaison is getting more serious and passion rides high. After while guilt and shame enter the picture, complicating the situation and making it less and less healthy. It can turn into a veritable serial, little though you may believe it.
The way to avoid major marriage problems is to be open about it from the very start. Someone from the office is trying to get her hooks into you? Tell your spouse straightaway, and let her make holes in her until she ceases to attract. You know what: your wife may be right! Then it will move away into the past, and you will feel even closer to your wife who didn’t want you get into unnecessary involvements. Now you realize they were unnecessary.