The midlife crisis is an expression so firmly incorporated into our speech that we already consider it to be normal for most adults. It is commonly believed that the midlife crisis mostly concerns men. However, this is not quite so. Women also tend to experience psychological discomfort between 35-40. However, psychological problems associated with this stage of maturity in women are usually not as destructive as in men.

So what is a midlife crisis?

First of all, this is a new life stage, which can be compared with adolescence. Of course, the midlife crisis is not related to a global hormone transformation, but it marks the beginning of changes, particularly decreased libido.

Decreased libido

Long-time partners often do not feel sexual attraction to each other. At the same time, it is difficult for them to admit that this sphere of life is leaving for good, so they start affairs, in order to prove everyone, including themselves, that they are still young, they are still alive. However, the problems of those who overcome the midlife crisis are not only limited to libido decrease. They are to a greater extent psychological.

Half a life has been lived

Enlightenment, the realization that half a life is already gone, and old age awaits ahead – these thoughts start haunting people. Both men and women ask themselves: “Who am I?”, “What have I achieved in this life?”, “Is it the right partner next to me?” The midlife crisis is the search for self. In this period, most people undergo certain revaluation of values, sometimes followed by decisive actions. Sometimes middle-aged people, regardless of their gender, commit haphazard acts, start affairs, visit dancing classes, start “developing” and doing what they have never done before – hanging out with friends and having fun.

The wife becomes a sister

Most men who are going through a midlife crisis, consider their lives too ordinary, lacking bright colors, emotions, and sex. Having lived with their wife for many years, few feel sexually attracted to her. The wife becomes more like a relative: for someone, she is a caring mom, for others – a sister and a friend. It seems to many that all of their problems can be solved by one simple act – the change of a partner and a job.

Bad habits

Someone, without finding answers, starts abusing alcohol, gets depressed, feels torn between his wife and mistress, unable to make a choice. The number of divorces at the age of 35-45-50 years is increasing both in men and women. In general, statistics today indicate that it is women who mostly apply for divorce: financial independence makes a woman more active and independent. In this way, women are trying to defend their right for the midlife crisis or simply do not want to put up with their husband’s crisis, especially if he does not even try to conceal his affair.

How to preserve the marriage during the midlife crisis?

With all this, there is a huge number of women who still try to save the marriage, even when their husband is already one foot out of it. These are the three tips to help your husband survive the midlife crisis.

1. Do not blame yourself

If your husband has all the signs of a midlife crisis, including crazy behavior, sudden love for sports, diets, self-care, as well as affairs – the first thing to do is to stop blaming yourself for everything. His crisis is his area of responsibility, you can in no way influence his self-esteem and self-perception.

Often, a man who is going through a crisis starts seeking out all possible defects in his spouse – he does it not because you are a bad wife or mother, but because he wants to assert himself and prove to himself that this is your fault. Try not to take his accusations close to the heart, preserve your self-confidence and self-esteem.

2. Support your husband in all his aspirations

If you are determined to preserve your marriage, you need a lion’s share of patience. If your husband admits that he wants to change his job, he is tired of staying in the same place – support him. Perhaps he does not have the strength to make the right decision himself; he’s afraid and needs your understanding, help, and interest.

Not every man can count on his wife’s understanding of this issue, because women are more cautious. They think about the future, they are worried. As for the man, he needs an approval from his wife and at times even her help at the initial stage. A man can think about creating his own business, and he has no one to rely upon, except for his better half.

3. Can you forgive a betrayal?

If you know that your husband has an affair, first of all, ask yourself honestly – can you forgive a betrayal? If your answer is negative, then you should think about separating. If, hand on your heart, you are ready to forgive him, then you should not make scenes of jealousy, enhanced interrogations and throw tantrums, demanding to give her up once and for all. Switch on all your natural diplomacy and patience and try hard to TURN A BLIND EYE to this bond. Pretend that nothing is happening. Maintain a good relationship with your husband.

Support is the key to everything

Support him, say warm words and compliments. At the same time invest in yourself: fitness, cosmetology – you must be gorgeous. He must understand that affairs are affairs, but his beloved wife is one of a kind, and she is the smartest, the most understanding and the most beautiful.

In conclusion: do not demand that your husband, who has displayed signs of a midlife crisis, should change and become like he used to be before.

You can not force anything. Do not make him choose or drive him out of the house if you do not really want him gone. A person who experiences psychological discomfort is vulnerable, easily offended and inclined to take ill-considered decisions. Therefore, if you intend to preserve your family, you should not force him to make any decisions.

Be an understanding wife

Try to cut corners, leave some things unspoken, understand that he is going through hard times. However, at the same time, do not sacrifice yourself and do not lay your life in front of him as a red carpet. You too have a right for a “crisis,” so take care of yourself, develop yourself, find a hobby for your soul, and travel. Remember that divorce is not a panacea. The crisis is going on. However, the feelings to each other, though having cooled down a bit over the years of marriage, can still be revived, if you want to.