It’s always difficult with perfect men: even the best of them only seem perfect at first sight. Sooner or later, their flaws are revealed. Reaching thirty, any woman is faced with a choice: what is better – being alone or with whoever.
How does it happen that quite grown-up, intelligent and accomplished women keep waiting for a fairy-tale prince, like 16-year-old romantic girls? This is modern life: when we give ourselves time to pursue a career, grow professionally, save some money, we neglect the romantic aspect until we reach thirty-something. We think that active employment and constant self-development gives us the opportunity to wait for the arrival of a perfect partner, whom we imagined in our teenage fantasies. In the meantime, we rarely realize that our expectations can be completely unrealistic.
Do you need a relationship?
Imagining a perfect partner may indicate that you are not ready for a relationship and are afraid of making a mistake.
The fear of making a mistake is normal and typical of everyone. Unless it doesn’t let you do anything at all. You either avoid relationships with men or end them quite early, guided by a hypothesis, “what if he’s not the one?” Only those who don’t do anything make no mistakes. The image of a perfect man gives you an excuse to do nothing (he’s a priori unattainable), and it prevents disappointments. Of course, this is your point of view… However, why look for a perfect man, if you can just admit (at least to yourself) that you do not need any? There will be even fewer disappointments.
Where to find happiness
Ironically, women obsessed with the search of the perfect partner, in fact, do not have a clear idea of him. Simply put, they do not know who (or what) they are looking for. Not every girl can even describe his physical appearance (some, however, assure that looks do not matter).
The profession of the perfect partner, the level of his income, basic moral characteristics, political beliefs – all this remains vague. The image of the perfect partner is rather infantile and abstract: he is the person who will make you happy. After all, it happens in fairy tales. The beautiful prince in shining armor appears and saves the main female character, solving all her problems. OK. Let’s formulate what it means to “make happy”. What is happiness for you? Maybe you can organize everything you need without the raw power of a man? Or maybe, for complete happiness, you need just a little, and it is not necessary that your man should be perfect (it is enough, for example, for him to be sexually active or have an income higher than yours). Determine what happiness is for you – and you will understand what kind of man you should look for. And whether you need one at all.
And what if you find him?
You should remember that the ideal is not a living person. A girl’s ideal, as a rule, is created from contradictory, inconsistent character traits: gentle and brutal, determined and obedient, making a lot of money and spending all the time with the beloved woman… Nobody wants to try hard to match the list of traits in their partner’s head. A sign of maturity in a relationship is the ability to negotiate and cooperate. Waiting for the icon that understands all your requirements from a half-word, is a sign that you are not ready for cooperation and compromises.
Moreover, while you are looking for the perfect man, it’s easy to forget that love is a feeling. It is irrational and does not comply with the norms. Trying to rationalize relations with a man, assessing his compliance with your criteria, you deprive yourself of spontaneity and ease. Without them, love is no longer perfect.