Toxic friends are not always as obviously seen as the three Heathers from the cult Heathers comedy. There is a very fine line between friendly banter and frank mockery, especially when it comes to people you consider close. Toxic friends have various methods of influence: criticism, competition, deceit, and manipulation. All this is generously sprinkled with gossip and masked by the main argument – care.
Many of us have at least one toxic friend. No matter how often you communicate or how close you are, this relationship gives you a lot of stress. Since everything happens gradually, it is rarely possible to reveal such a friend on time. Here are some red flags that will help identify a toxic friend in your environment.
1. You avoid his/her messages or calls
They are constantly calling or texting you to unload all their emotional baggage, but are unlikely to ask how you are doing. Most of your conversations are related to their problems and experiences. When you are together, they control you and your actions. They always need something, but rarely do the same for you. Yes, this person is toxic. When you decide to ignore a call or put off answering a text message, you are subconsciously reluctant to receive all their emotional garbage.
2. They are not around when you need them
Any healthy relationship is characterized by mutual support, while a toxic friendship is a one-way street. When you need to speak out, get advice or a favor, they will always find an excuse why they cannot help you right now. The realization that one should not expect any help from the other person is the first sign of toxic relationships.
3. You must give up everything for them
A toxic friend always waits for you to drop everything and come running to them at any moment. They believe that there is nothing more important than their own problems. It is natural to help each other, but if you experience constant pressure, you get a little bit anxious. The anxiety that you feel from communicating with this person is a clear red flag of toxic relationships.
4. You feel emotional exhaustion after seeing them
A healthy friendship inspires, brings joy and pleasure. Though it does not happen every second, but the relationship should generally be positive. Fatigue, depression and emotional exhaustion after communicating with a person are the inalienable companions of a toxic friendship. The most unpleasant thing is that you tend to blame yourself for the problems in communication. You think that the reason is you, because you are the one who experiences unpleasant emotions, not them. Never give in to such thoughts. If you feel bad after spending time with someone, then this is not a healthy relationship.
5. You have to hide something
Usually a friend waits for you to start admiring their success, and there’s nothing wrong with that. In toxic relationships, a person can insult or diminish your achievements to such an extent that you prefer to conceal them. If you have to choose each word carefully while communicating and think twice before sharing information with your friend, this relationship is a waste of time.
6. This causes problems in other relationships
The relationship between some of your girlfriends may not work out, it’s normal. However, if you always defend one friend before all your loved ones, you should ask yourself why this is happening. Could people see something that you do not notice? In addition, this constant defense brings you a lot of stress and trouble in communication. Just like in a toxic romantic relationship, a friend can try to isolate you from your circle of communication. If you constantly have to choose between them and others, think about why you are holding onto this friendship.
7. You can feel unwell
Although the main damage from toxic relationships is constant psychological stress, this can lead to physical symptoms. Misery, pain in various body parts, migraine – these are very likely bodily reactions to a toxic friend. You should break such a relationship and regain control over your physical and mental health. We are used to perceiving friendship as something everyone can handle. At first, the relationship brings pleasure, and then it becomes hard for you to admit that you suffer from this friendship, there is a feeling of guilt and a feeling that the problem is in you. When it comes to human communication, we are used to observing instead of acting. The thought that you should not interact with anyone if you do not really want to – out of habit, out of courtesy, pity or other motives – seems strange to many.
It is more difficult to stop a toxic friendship than a romantic relationship. However, you must decide on this step and immediately stop the communication that makes you suffer. No imaginary closeness to a person is worth your health.